Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
did you just send me my own nude
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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