It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I enjoy the company of your penis
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