So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
