She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
