I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
