So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
