he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
