Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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