just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you will always have a special place in my vag
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize