Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I want a musical about memes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
