I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
