Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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