But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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