I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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