How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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