My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
