Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
