If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
