Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
