You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
