Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
