remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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