you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
