don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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