Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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