She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
