it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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