Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize