I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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