When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
