The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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