you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
