Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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