sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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