sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
