I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
