you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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