I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
