Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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