the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
