I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
