The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
