I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My feet surprised me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
