I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize