its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
