Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
