Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize