Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
