So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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