5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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