i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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