i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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