I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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