When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
