It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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