I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize