Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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