saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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