My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
