oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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