just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize