i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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