Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
