I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize