I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
