my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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