i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
