new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize