Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
