Your tits are I can't wait for
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
