I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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