Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
