There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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