I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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