my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
