i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
