its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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