no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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