I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
