everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
